Hello. And if you are reading this, welcome to my blog, Life in the Anthropocene! I know it's been a long time since the last post for Life in the Anthropocene and that it has been very inconsistent over the last few years since I began the blog. There's no way around it: my life has not been conducive to this blog. Everything that I thought would create something that would build my passion for this blog and yield something I could put into this blog, has done the exact opposite in the most extreme way. I know its sounds extreme, but that's that point; what I am referencing was grossly extreme. It sounds that way because it was that way. Everything I have done and believed in has always not been what I thought it would be and was in the most extreme way currently possible. In short, life is not what I thought it was or believed it to be/believed in. In accordance with that, my life has seen a total system reset for this year.
In that sense, this is my first time writing for Life in the Anthropocene, for all intent and purposes. Nothing is left of the life I left 9 months ago to participate in an endeavor that has fundamentally altered my beliefs. Everything has changed in the last 9 months. Everything I believed about my society, the people around me, the world I live in, my chosen career, who I am, what I understand about myself, the type of person I want to be and even the world most humans inhabit is fundamentally untrue and a misrepresentation in every way shape and form. The truth is often hidden and masked and distorted, regarding the negative and the positive. In the case of the negative, it is often twisted to look more positive than it really is and perception of the negative manipulated to appear better than it is and to appear to be the positive. In the case of the positive, it is often suppressed and made to be represented as something grossly and extremely negative, to the point where it actually becomes negative and people believe it to be so. Perception, superficiality and point of view, reign supreme right now, in our lives, in our culture, in our things, our society and our world. I wish I could say it is different, but being judgmental to a degree never before seen is happening as I type these words, and "judging a book by it's cover" (or even just the title, the label) is the widespread norm. Nothing has been left untouched by it.
I was naive enough to believe I could counter this trend. That is not the case. There is nothing I can do if the vast majority of people want to be judgmental. There is nothing I can do to stop them if people want to roadblock me and put obstacles in my way in regards to making any sort of progress; they are going to do that and nothing is going to change their mind. If people want to make life worse for themselves and others, and are already so miserable that all they want to do is make everyone else miserable, I have found that there is very little you can do to convince them, or even show them how to have a better attitude. You can be, at heart, the most energetic, genuine, kind, compassionate, motivated and helpful person and all it ever leads to is you just being taken advantage of and roadblocked. The only thing I can do is find a way around them and over their obstacles. And I will Because there will always be those who just want to get away with murder, minimal effort, not doing their fair share, being lazy, being apathetic, creating conflict, manifesting drama, not giving a damn, being dysfunctional, messing things up for everyone else because that's what they want and are content to act rudely, crudely, going around creating a culture of blame and shame, unhappy with their life and all around imposing all that and scapegoating that onto the people who could not be further from that, willing to go the ends of the Earth to get people to look the other way so that they can continue to get away with continuing a vicious cycle and going out of their way to create a one-sided situation, where everything they do wrong is ok and is somehow your fault and anytime you make a mistake, it's unforgivable and all on you.
Originally, I wanted this blog to be something different than the direction my life was forced, yes forced, into. I was left with very little recourse or being hindered from acting on the recourse I did have for the direction the people dragged me down into. In the past I have written, in a limited sense, for Life in the Anthropocene because I wanted to do my part in building a more sustainable, equitable, harmonious, fair and compassionate genuine world for all humans. In the past I wrote to raise awareness about a certain issue (whether cultural, social, political, economic or ecological, on the scale of individual to neighborhood, to town, city, state, nation, country and world) or spread understanding or otherwise give something back to the world and have a positive influence on it, even to the detriment of myself. I used to be motivated by purely selfless purposes of wanting to tackle the pressing challenges of our time, like hunger, or water scarcity, climate change, societal unrest, extinction, habitat loss, discrimination, loss of cultural vitality and the myriad of other issues that assail human civilization at this point. I was passionate about these subjects and was ready and willing to dedicate my life to facing them head on, rather than trying to hide, run and pretend they don't exist because they're not obviously visible. While all of this is something I still want to be part of Life in the Anthropocene and what I want Life in the Anthropocene to become, it will not play as central a role as my original vision entailed.
Because, in so many ways, almost every way, it has backfired on me. I am....disappointed that it turned into something it was never supposed to be, often artificially and intentionally twisted, made to look like something it isn't and that it took an unexpected an unhealthy direction, through my own mistakes, though not independently either and not without the most unsettling of misinterpretations I have ever encountered by the very people who were supposed to support, claim they are, and are fundamentally tearing me down and holding me back, filling me with everything I don't want in life to the nines. I am excited, but nervous and daunted by what I am trying to convey in these words. Often I don't even know where to start. For a long time, I've struggled with I guess it's starts with a realization.
I am only human. I am not necessarily the most typical human, but I am human. And like every human, I make mistakes. My first one, a critical error of judgement, was trying to help other people with their problems. It was one of the reasons I made this blog. I wanted to help people with their problems, whether that meant solving them for them (pedantics aside about you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves/you can teach a person to fish but only they will decide if they continue to feed themselves because they may just not be able to solve it alone/at all) or to help show them the way to solving their problems. I trusted the wrong people to be invested in that and was highly surprised to find just exactly who is not truly invested in that, because it was exactly where I believed I would find that, I found the exact opposite. After everything I've seen, most people are not interested in solving their problems. Most people are only interested in making a vicious cycle get worse as fast as they can in every way they can, making vastly more problems, and continuing to justify and adopt unhealthy and dysfunctional behaviors as fast as they can and dragging as many people as possible into with them, leaving as few options for not doing so as possible so everything is under their control and making the people not interested in doing so responsible for the actions of those that do. And they do it solely for their own gain and to get their sick kicks, to create drama, to feel like they've won, to feed off of each others negativity, to dump their crap onto you and to "prove" to you and everyone else how "awful" of a person you are, how undeserving you are of inclusion. It's always gotta be about them. I am not that kind of human and I never will be. An entire system, through the efforts of 6+ people just tried to do that for 9 months in every way they possibly could, leaving no room to maneuver and it didn't work. I will never ever be a part of it again and it can never ever get me to yield to it.
I was so naive. I can't change the world (a.k.a. humanity) if it
doesn't want to change, if it wants to stay invested in the status quo,
if it wants to be miserable, apathetic, indifferent, greedy, unhappy,
angry, selfishness, unbalanced or any of the other vices and failings of
humanity. I can't change humanity if it wants to continue to make
things worse and build in an irreversible inertia to doing so that will take millennia to sort out. I can't change that too much of humanity twists things to
see them a certain way because it is believed to valuable, desirable, or
worthy of seeking, even if that couldn't be further from the truth and
actually distorts the truth and is primarily self-serving behavior, even if I want to an am showing them they don't have to do that and there are other ways. I thought I could by offering to show/tell
them something more hopeful and more engaging than this and I was
wrong. People who don't want to change won't, for whatever reason,
especially if they are locked into the cycle of being hopelessly
entrapped in staying inside their comfort zone and perpetuating a cycle
that is all they know. And I can't change those who choose to live that
way and manage to twist everything, to pervert the essential nature of
everything into it's the inherent opposite and can't even see it in
themselves. People are incapable of change, in whatever form it takes, either by changing themselves or by changing their environment to be in a situation more conducive to becoming the person they hope to. And I refuse to be a part of that.
. For a long time I have struggled to find how or where to start Life in the Anthropocene. It is inherently a blog with an all-encompassing, overwhelming and often over-complicated (for what we're all used to anyway, on both accounts). But now I know. I think I always knew. I have to start with my life first. I started this blog because I wanted to be a positive influence on humanity, the most positive influence on humanity I could be, possibly that has ever been and to steer it in a better direction toward a better civilization, a world that works for us all and continues to uphold the sacredness and sanctity of human life, using the positive spirit of humanity and pursuing my passions and interests and desires and dreams. I wanted to be the most positively influential person I could possibly be, but now for myself. It is now safe to say that most of humanity is not invested in that and the relatively few who are cannot change the nature of what all the others who don't have done. The best we can hope for, and where I draw an unalterable, non-erasable line, is whether that will have negative consequences for me. I refuse to go down with the ship because someone else wants to sabotage it and commit self-sabotage. It's not about changing the world. It's about changing yourself, making different decisions and having a positive impact upon the world in the process. And I am going to start right now. While I want this blog to be about creating a better world for all life and the individual, personal and collective decisions it will take to create a more sustainable, harmonious, hospitable and prosperous world across political, social, cultural, economic and ecological arenas from the individual to the national scale, it will not be starting there. I will be starting it by creating a new and better life for myself and one more conducive to my long term goals, such as the above. I will start Life in the Anthropocene, by building a life that I want and showing you what I am going to do to be light in a world gripped by the most severe manifestations of humanity's vices. No longer will I sit in their shadows. This story is about me and what I am going to do to build a Life in the Anthropocene. It will not be easy and it will not be without challenge, not that anything is anyway. It will not be without every force, seen and unseen, known and unknown, trying to stop me, to get in my way and trying to overtake me, to capture me, to control me. But I am still not deterred. I will make sure that it does not prevent me from being the best person I can be and doing the best that I can with this life. And I will never give up. They could throw a whole army at me. I will never ever cave in to the darkness that surrounds humanity right now and never ever let it take me over. Because that is what they want, those who already have been lost, to confirm and have validated your "insufficiency" and your "inferiority", their belief that you won't succeed and every other belief they hold about you that isn't true and is really a reflection of themselves. In fact, I will overcome it and already have. I will always be a positive influence on this world and on myself, whether people choose to see it or not. But I will no longer be doing this with an external focus, doing this for others who are a waste of my time, my energy, and who don't deserve my help or support, because they would not do the same for me and are so invested in such that the only option left for those who would, is to retract their generosity because it is too one-sided, you can't expect anything of them even if you would give them everything they could ever need and stop feeding into them and instead find those who will reciprocate and build a relationship built on mutual respect and getting through life together and growing as people. That is what it means to live a Life in the Anthropocene. Hobey-ho here we go and Happy Thanksgiving!